Recently, I haven't had a whole lot of time to be actually 'working' on wedding stuff. I've had papers, and am about to have some finals. I hide my wedding stuff because school is dead to me, and if it is not hidden I can't help but to sit and stare at what I'd rather be doing. So working on school is a matter of force (and crying), and I would much rather do wedding and Christmas crafts. Unfortunately, that isn't what society thinks I need to do, so I cry.
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Today I want to talk about some observations I've made that seem to be the general state of mind everywhere in the wedding world....from the retailers selling something to you, to brides giving and seeking advice to each other.
When you read some of the message boards related to weddings (i.e. The Knot, WeddingBee, etc), you'll find many future brides pondering questions, ideas, and issues related to their upcoming weddings. In my time reading these various things about weddings, I've noticed one trend that is brought up in almost any situation, whether that involves conflict or not.
Self entitlement.
From people deciding what color their bridesmaids should wear to those who must turn the opinions of others into a dramatic ordeal that someone doesn't like them: there's still just one trend. Tell me, how many times have you heard something like this?
"It's my day, so they'll just have to get over it."
or
"It doesn't matter what color she doesn't want to wear, she should do it for you, it is your day."
While it is understandable for a bride-to-be to make plans regarding her wedding and generally have the final say, it doesn't mean we should back stab the rules by which we've lived the rest of our lives.
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
The idea of entitlement seems to be one of the most prevalent attitudes I've seen in regard to weddings. As selfishness is to human nature as being is to being, there is no way we can prevent this mindset one-hundred percent. However, I think we should go into planning our weddings with a different attitude.
If we went into things remembering that this is just another day of you-and-him, but it is the ONLY day that you will have you-and-him, as well as all of your family and friends there just to see the both of you, I have a feeling our attitudes will change a bit. Without the support from any of these people who are there on your wedding day, it is likely you wouldn't even be with that almost-husband.
So instead of becoming defensive when someone has a suggestion about how to deal with something regarding the wedding day, I believe that as future brides we ought to try to remember to make a heart check and an attitude check. Whoever made the suggestion that maybe isn't agreeable is simply trying to help, and from the way they see things, whatever their suggestion is would make the day when you and your fiancé get hitched more meaningful.
What are your thoughts? Has anyone else noticed this trend of self entitlement regarding weddings that seems to be unchecked and deemed acceptable, or even rightful, within the wedding community?
I completely agree - you see this attitude all over the place, and I really think a lot of brides shoot themselves in the foot with it. It's encouraged by the industry, I think, because it's a profitable attitude for vendors and other professionals involved. But at the end of the day, if your guests are unhappy you probably won't have the best time.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a balancing act, really, and I see conflict arise all too often because of the struggle between brides and those around them. I always say that I believe a wedding is a reflection of those getting married, and they should have the right to do what they want to do. For example, if they're vegans, they shouldn't feel compelled to offer a meat option for their guests just because some people may not like it. But I do see things get a little out of hand, like when brides expect their bridesmaids to throw them multiple showers, shell out hundreds of dollars on a dress they'll wear once, and then be completely rude to them. I want my brides to feel as if they're the most important person on their wedding day, but I absolutely do not appreciate when they get that sense of entitlement. I'll treat them like a princess, but I don't want them to expect it, if that makes sense. Being rude or having outrageous demands is unacceptable, and I try to stay far, far away from those people...
ReplyDeleteIt's always interesting to see opinions on this subject, and I think it's unfortunate that the wedding industry is seen as such. I would hate to be thought of as someone who condones this type of behavior, when, in reality, I have very mixed feelings on the subject...
Sorry for the rambling comment, but I felt the need to put my two cents in, especially as a wedding vendor. Thanks for linking up today though, and I hope you get to start back on your wedding planning soon!
xoxo,
Joelle
Joelle,
DeleteI think in some sense, I didn't state what I meant clearly (so I edited a few words, thanks!) I believe in the beginning I came across as this idea of self entitlement is the fault of the wedding industry, when in actuality my point is that it is human nature, and thus stemming from the community (i.e. people who are getting married and those who surround them). When facing difficult decisions regarding my own wedding, I've had people around me tell me how I should do whatever I want because 'its my day.' And while that is true and they have good intentions when saying that, I feel like many issues could actually be resolved based on what is better for the majority rather than simply pleasing the unbending bride. Plus, I don't like the feeling of being encouraged to make selfish decisions!
I agree with a few points in this post, but not all of them.
ReplyDeleteI do think some brides can be outrageous and expect way to much. That being said, it IS their day and they SHOULD be able to do what they (bride and groom) want. While I do think you should do you best to accomadate the needs of your guests, you won't be able to please everybody, and in the end you should do what makes you and your fiance happy. I think as long as you are respectful of other's opinions and don't demand anything ridicouous, than you should be able to do what you want.
You mentioned the bridesmaid dress colors - I don't agree with that statement. I think if the bride and groom have a specific color scheme for their wedding, and want the dresses to be a certain color, that's perfectly fine. Just don't be a b***h about it.
Our venue is about an hour/hour and a half away. Some people are pretty upset about that. We chose that venue and that IS where the wedding/reception will take place, but we didn't do that because we feel entitled. It's the best choice for us.
Sorry for the long comment... you can really get a good debate going with this sort of stuff! Haha!
Lauren
http://laurensweetnothings.blogspot.com/
Hi Saxon! I got your beautiful Christmas Card!! Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteCan I just tell you that while planning our wedding was fun, I don't desire to ever have to do it again!! There is such a sense of entitlement that comes, and many times it creeps up without even realizing it.
Good luck with Finals & all the wedding planning!
Merry Christmas!