So I'm pretty certain that last night was the first night that I have spent the night alone at my apartment since I've been married. Somehow I'm surprised that we've literally spent every night with Tyler (I think) for nearly 6 months.
I didn't like that he was gone. :(
The husband went camping with his dude friends, and so at home I stayed to do...well, I was going to catch up on blogs for the rest of November...then I texted my mom for a few hours about Christmas trees, what the cat was doing, life, and being disappointed in people and the way they are and treat others. That sounds like it progressed quickly. Heart to heart with mom means you don't have to lie like everything is hunky-dory. Then I listened (a few times) to the new Lifehouse album that I didn't realize came out last year...and well, I just really didn't get much accomplished. And I call them my favorite band...and I'm such a pathetic, pathetic fan. I didn't even know they had a new CD for almost a year. But now that I've found it, I love it.
Here's the thing: I'm really not a fan of living alone. I have only lived alone for one summer - the summer after my sophomore year at OU. That was a nice break, as I'd gotten myself in a...well, complicated roommate situation the year before - to name the situation nicely. But even after having an awful year dealing with conflicting personalities, interests, values, and messy floors...I realized that living alone is really just not my thing.
The only reason I lived alone that summer is that I was staying in Norman to work, and so I was staying in a friend's apartment while she and her roommates were gone for the summer. As a four bedroom apartment, I made it a habit to check behind the shower curtain of both bathrooms every time I came in from work. I also checked the hallways. Call me paranoid, but that is a great example of why I've only lived alone for 2 months in my entire life. I did learn a lot of Chinese that summer, though. What else was I supposed to do with my time...awkwardly hang out with the boy that lived two buildings away from me who I knew liked me who I was desperately trying to not like who I ended up liking anyway and marrying 3 years later? Naww, I couldn't do that.
We did hang out one weekend when all our Oklahoma resident friends came back to Norman for the weekend! Good memories!
Anyway. Last night confirmed for me yet again...I don't like living/being alone. Sure, it was just one night...but I really don't want to go to sleep if no one is here to help me in case nothing happens. For no apparent reason, I feel the need to check the window, stay awake later, and keep more lights on. (Someone tell me this is normal...do you do this??) Not only do I do those things, but its nights when I'm alone when I usually get to thinking. I think about my life now, the past, the future and I just feel discouraged, confused, and frustrated. It is easier to avoid those thoughts when I just stay busy, which is easier to do when the man of the house is in the house!
I think when we get down to it, I'm just thankful that I have a hubby who is home at night with me almost every night. I'm also thankful that I haven't had to live alone for a significant period of time...I'm pretty sure I would get legitimately paranoid!
Do you consider the night by yourself a rare opportunity to do something you've been wanting to do, or does it just make you paranoid to turn the lights off for bed? I kind of see it as both...last night was definitely quiet, but then I started missing my guy when I got sleepy.